Beauty Does Control

Over Feel Over Fire

The end is the start ...and so on.
'I still love you' - {Fuffy}
no title

 My life has been changed irrevocabley since July 27th and I hadn't had the time or willingness to come in here and say much about it because I was too busy dealing with it out there to want to quantify it here, bestfriend passed away from an OD. Yes the person a part of me will always be in love with is gone (but not, possibly more on that later when I get in the mood or the head-space to regail all that) and there's shit all I can do that I haven't TRIED doing for the passed 3 years after we reconciled in the first place. Needless to say I'd gone back and forth with the stages of grief and will continue to for the rest of my life with this though it's become clear a lot of me feels a sense of solid relief that she's finally at peace. Also, selfishly, though I had said about 25 pages worth of things that needed to be said in our journals about the state of things and how I feel, how I'd felt, a long time about her whole deal, when someone would have continued on the way they were, nothing changing, you can get certain things off your chest a gazillion times and never feel there's an apt conclusion. Did I want something like death to be a conclusion= no, but ever since I'd known her I'd been planning a eulogy in my head and as fate would have it I even ended up writing the obit because that's the type of intensity she prevoked not just in me, but everyone around her. She was a big free-flowing basket of love and thrill 24-7 that really never knew what was good for her. When we first met we were really in the same head-space and I was down for whatever, but as you grow older, as we have, my zen just seemed to stick a little harder and she was unable to sow a lot of oats that kept coming. I would have done absolutely anything in my power to help her with the acception of blowing up my own boat in the process, hell and back no doubt because that's what you do when you love someone that much, but I don't enable. Last few years she wouldn't talk to me because she couldn't take a mirror in the wasn't out of not wanting to and not missing me, but just the simple fact our lives have gone two very different directions that we're having trouble even meeting up on rare occasions. I talked to her that day, THEE day, that was more than enough to tide me over til when we're reunited again......talked to her many times since, she's talked to me....we know where to meet, dreams, the daily run-in with a message or two that could only come from elsewhere. I feel her now more than ever because she's actually herself something she hasn't been in quite a long time. It doesn't make it hurt any less that I can't hold her or call her up, but such is life. My dad 5 years back was very hard, but this thing....this thing just changes everything.

Been say the very least
Faith--Go Me
 Honestly I haven't kept up with this... even when realizing it probably would have been really good for me if I would have. The good news is that I HAVE been journaling in an actual journal with my bestfriend Kelly that's made me feel a lot better about the past, present, and the future. It's Friday. It's CIVIL WAR day. It's a .........................

RELIEF. I was stressed beyond my means least it felt like that at the time. I don't understand how, it should have been just another day, but it was knawing at me.......and then I come out the other end of it like its no big deal, but when you're in the moment it feels like its never-ending. That stress. That anxiety. It's time to play.

Dawn Metaphorical Love Child Part 2= "This Year's Girl"
 Open scene with Buffy and Faith making a bed together. Call me old-fashioned, but this is not a scenario you find yourself in with just anyone. It's beautiful, mundane, and something usually done in intimate company; fully clothed or not. I'll start right with the cliche' first: What do you do after you make a bed? You lay in it whether or not that's figurative or otherwise. They're immersed in a situation together and on the more vulgar side of things, which I see far beyond, sexual conotation can be identified depending on viewer's imagination. More metaphorically to be dreaming of making a bed,specifically with fresh linen, is a way of our mind expressing the need to come at ideas that matter to us from a fresh angle.

Buffy: They smell good don't they?
Faith: What?
Buffy: Clean Sheets, like Summer.
    These clean white sheets denote wisdom, innocence, and purity that reflect Faith's ideal version of herself, by extension, their relationship. Summer is a season where everything has blossomed at it's peak and everything feels right in the world. Summer and "Summer's" is also a little on the nose, sorta speak. Buffy is pure, clean. I'm sure she even smells amazing. Faith covets these things for herself, simulataneously wanting her and wanting to BE her.

Faith: I wouldn't know.
Buffy: Right I forgot.
Faith: I noticed.
     Faith, even when the audience is led to believe is inside some fantasy where they're getting along (which is a misnomer that will be explained in part 3 of this essay refering to "Restless") is haunted by the reality of her abaondonment and dread of Buffy's complete indifference.

Buffy: I wish I can stay but--
Faith: You have to go.
Buffy: It's just with....
Faith: Little sis coming I know. So much to do before she gets here.
  Just like in the first dream where the cat has multiple layers, I give you the bed. The bed first seen as a romantic image trnsitions into a paternal one under the guise they were making it for Dawn. Yes metaphorical sex makes babies, as mystical as they maybe.

Buffy: Now I really have to....
Faith: So go, don't let me keep....
  If there is any defining segment that sells this theory and can dutifully call other parentage into question it's here. After they finish making the bed, as they walk closer, the camera pans down to reveal drops of blood from Faith tarnishing the immaculate sheets.

 Faith: Damn, just when we made it so nice. Are you ever going to take this thing out?
    Faith is allowed to finish the question before the camera finally pans down to the knife, snug tightly in the confines of her abdoman. Camera switches back to Buffy's face vacant of previous sympathies and maliciously cold; she twists it. This is Faith's blood being pooled into Dawn, those innocent sheets. There is no linear construct for when they harvested Buffy's blood. Whether or not they used Buffy as an initial template there is still a manner of "rules" in which to create a human being and this is two strands of DNA. The monks took blood from "The Slayer" and Buffy is one of two and not even the current seated, the line itself is in Faith ergo taken from the both of them.

Through-out any mythology, any culture blood is synonymous with a life's spirit. I give you one of my favorite quotes from "Jurrassic Park", Dr. Ian Malcom In Italics:

John the kind of control you're attempting is simply no possible. If there is one thing that the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through new barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously

Henry Wu: You're implying that a group composed entirely of female animals will...breed?

No. I'm simply saying that life, uh.....finds a way.

  Blood is sacred when it's spilled and reconnects to the metaphor that the dreamer themselves feels a sacrifice is being made. It's essential to life and seen outside the body taps into our deepest fears, presenting the need for us to come to terms with them. More-over anything having to do with the stomach focuses on repressed feelings and reveals emotions. The most obvious metaphor for blood concerning a woman is also tied to the mentral cycle.

Like it or lump it the fact is that the knife is phallic, penetrating, what literally happened last year in "Graduation Day" doesn't make it any less of a dream symbol, especially with everything else that's happened in this sequence. It also highlights the non-binary aspects of Buffy/Faith's overall relationship. At first blush Faith is seen easily as Buffy's "Yang" the masculine energy between the two of them, in contrast she's on the receiving end of the weapon which demonstrates both duality and equality. For something that was once only existed as being capable of being one, their power, is now emphatically two simply by her existance. And, unlike Kendra or any other slayer later, the symbolic nature of surrender/sacrifice taking place first in the subcobscious mind is the perfect metaphor for a non platonic relationship,  Combating with this, again, the duality. Faith over-coming the start of these nightmares and reaffirming personal dominance later in the last dream sequence battling in an open grave with Buffy, off-camera sticking the knife back into Buffy and awaking from her coma. When I watch a canon antagonistic relationship like Buffy and Spike it's nothing I haven't seen done better, more poetically, by Faith.

Buffy: You remember this? I took it from Faith. Stuck it in her gut....just slid in her like she was want to get it back from me....DICK?!?

It's important to note when Faith does come out from a coma and walks out of the hospital Buffy's voice is overlayed in the background talking to Riley saying, "You know I never stopped thinking about you" The camera remains on Faith that whole time and doesn't pan directly back to the conversation at hand til a beat later when Riley responds.....this is not by accident. For whatever it's worth we've seen and will continue to see later in "Restless", if only for a moment, Buffy continues to think about Faith whether it's conscious or not even if we get a deeper glimpse from Faith's perspective.

Buffy+Faith=Dawn, Metaphorical Love Child Part 1 Grad Day
  Of all the things most widely discussed and hankering for origin in the Buffyverse, the existance of Dawn stands out. The shipping community has had a field day, since her first appearance in "Buffy VS Dracula" , lending credence and validation of her creation by the monks. We know that part of her blood is that of a Summer's, that past memories were created to justify linear time, and that she is Buffy's "little sister", but what of her DNA? Scientifically speaking it takes two different strands manipulated to concoct a human being. There are plenty of interactions to solidify who raised her within the series. While it takes a villiage her "adopted parents" would no-doubt be Willow and Tara, who had immediately took the reigns of responsibility over with Buffy's passing. The bond that's shown, as well as the disappointment, in season 6 is unquestionable, but having wrangled all the evidence together it's clear to me that Dawn has experienced the agony of a broken home not once via Joyce/Hank = serogate, not twice with Tara/Willow =adoptive, but THREE times in the series with Buffy/Faith = pseudo-biological.
   Many Fuffy (Buffy/Faith shippers) believe that the strongest evidence of a daliance lie not in their heated antagonism, on again off again friendship, or overall complexity, but by Dawn. From the first clue's back in "Graduation Day Part 2" to the elusion of anger and abondonment at the end of the series, the following scipt interpretations, subtextual of course, explain why, as unintended and organic as it may have been written, Faith is most likely the other "parent".
   During "Graduation Day Part 2" Faith and Buffy share a dream while both unconcious. Let's start with some dream symbolism : Faith is wearing a simple white and orange tie-die. Orange is a cheerful and uplifting color known for it's happiness and independence.White holds all color in it, with all potentiality. Orange, being a warmer color gives back light. Buffy is in light blue, a cold-passive color, that suggests peace, sleep, and relaxation. It's also, no surprise, a prime healing color. Needless to say just by first glance, in spite of what has occured outside, INSIDE, they are both in a very good, pure place.Boxes surround Faith's old apartment. In a dream landscape boxes represent trying to get rid of feelings and thoughts which we can not cope with. It's synonmous with moving on like Faith's body is to the next plain of existance.

B: Whose gonna look after him? (motioning to a cat)
F: It's a she, and aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?
   There are two ways to interpret this: Faith could be speaking of her own self-reliance.  Faith is letting Buffy know not to worry about her any longer. Buffy getting the sex of the cat wrong is telling within itself. In whatever way Buffy assumes she/Faith would be taking care of a guy, but the vision of a cat has always been synonymous through-out history, with the feminine.With two sides of their nature, the devious and helpful, the cat shows us the powerful, but overly self-sufficent. It's the perfect symbol for a Slayer, or their progeny, and is used other times through-out the series. The second way, of course, is that the cat itself is Dawn. This is critical to the essay because it reads as a conversation between two parents, especially if they were to be giving someone up for adoption.

B: Higher Power guiding us.
F: Pretty Sure that's not what I meant.
   Buffy then starts following the pattern of logic that this is about them, knowing it's a "she", specifically the power of the Slayer--that god, powers that be, will show them their path. Faith's response is confusing in the least. Taking it at face value how she's not privvy to the idea of a 'higher power' in the first place. However it could very well be that isn't what she meant.....not what she was refering to in the first place offering, continuing to talk in circles, with no explanation.

B: There's something I'm supposed to be doing.
F: Oh yeah, miles to go, little miss muffet counting down from 7-3-0
    Faith's response is enigmatic and still offers no asylum or answer. She looks out a window, which suggests through dream symbols, she has a more extroverted view of herself and looks for external circumstances for cues. Instead taking segments of well-known pieces and mixing them,"Stopping by the Wood on a snowy Evening" and "Little Miss Muffet" she gets poetic. This is the last lines of the last stanza= "The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep" The use of the passage may as well be vindication to the person using them, every bit as much as the peace of death itself. Perhaps Faith is every bit as lovely dark, and deep as those woods, but Buffy has obligations, which Faith are privvy to, because of their slayer connection. Not since Angel have they been delivered in such a delicate way you begin to wonder what may have been capable of transpiring between the two of them had the rest of the world, and their responsibilities, had just fallen away and not created a wedge. Wether this is a shared experience, which most believe it is, or even just how Buffy would like to imagine Faith, it's mysterious and romantic in nature. They are bathed in light and accompinied by soft piano music. There's no mistake in human tendency to compare a spiritual experience to one of love, now what that love is/means, is completely subjective to the viewer themselves.
   Now on the flip-side, "Little MIss Muffet"= "Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and weigh, along came a spider and sat down beside her and freightened miss muffet away" Faith is the spider in this scenario, the harbinger of her death with the "7-3-0" which is the exact number of days before Buffy leaps to her death and sacrifices herself for Dawn and the world. However, it's fair to say that Buffy has always been afraid of Faith herself and the emotion she evokes. Since Faith first got on the scene in "Faith, Hope, and Trick", she's done nothing, but challenge Buffy's perception as a slayer, has shown her own allure as well as that of the dark-side. Spider's spin webs--none of which Buffy would like to be caught up in.

B:Great, riddles
F: Sorry, it's my head..... a lot of new stuff
Riddles, games, and childish things. The series is filled with Buffy encountering slayer dreams, prophecies, and lyrical forbodings about big-bads.While Faith isn't in any position to help, she's none-the-less apologetic about it. The "new stuff" being higher knowledge about the future and feelings she's incapable of expressing in a straight-forward way, but it's enlightenment and peace, at this moment in time, Faith could only have shared from beyond.

F: They're never going to fix this are they?
   Her body, Their bond. Their family.....there's multiple things at stake. When the cat disappears and Faith's body reappears on the bed for a split second, holographically, we see her as she is on the outside. Not unlike Buffy later for the sake of Dawn this image of Faith is sacrificial, only from death there's life as if it was a tragic story of mother having died from child-birth. The knife, all the more phallic, appears in Buffy's hands. A subtle key to the non-binary romance of their symbiotic energies, which I'll discuss far more in part 2 of this essay describing the dream sequence of "This Year's Girl". Buffy provides riddles of her own by answering one question with another....

B:What about you?
F: Scar tissue. It fades, it all fades. You wanna know the deal-human weakness never goes away...even his.
 Even having been the one to gut her in the first place, Buffy exhibits genuine concern. It's an extreme gamit of emotion for someone, one would assume, she loathed. There's the addage that the real enemy of love is not hate, but indifference. It's a common thematic through-out the series that Buffy shares with not just Angel, but especially Spike later. Faith is tranquil and in a place she doesn't feel any pain, she can forgive Buffy and supply her with the secret to defeating the mayor.

B:Is this your mind or mine?
F: Beats me.
  As different as they are the question is playful signaling the attributes of their sameness, their one-ness. This small intereaction reminds me of the difference between a soul-mate and a twin-flame. A soul-mate can be a friend, teacher, lover, confidant, and yes even a romantic partner who you've experienced past lives with, but a twin-flame is nearly always a romance of two people bore from the same seed, both equal and opposites, and complimenting eachother with the inversive masculine vs feminine (ying and yang) energy. They're both two COMPLETE souls who mirror eachother seldom meeting on the same plain of existance, one usually guiding the other from beyond. When they do meet on the same plain their relationship is among the most challenging and tumultous. Take into consideration the things that have had to happen for them to be in the same space....both Buffy and Kendra's death, and their mutual calling.

F: Getting towards that time
B: How are you gonna fit all this stuff?
F: Not gonna, it's yours.
  Their shared experience is coming to an end.Buffy wants to know where all of Faith's possessions will end up. Yes she is very well refering to the boxes lining their mind in the scene, but what of the most valuable: Faith's blood? Faith giving her posessions to Buffy is symbolic, a breath-taking confession. The love and surrender in Faith's eyes is evident. It's a bitter-sweet picture like that of an ex moving out. Ironically the exchange echos two that came later in the series. The first between Tara/Willow, during Faith's and Buffy's body-swap in "Who Are You" in season 4, right before Tara and Will go through with a spell, that's supposed to be a metaphor for their first love-making experience. Tara says : "I am you know,.....yours". The budding of that pairing juxtapose Buffy/Faith's relationship beautifully showing the difference between a healthy sapphic couple and a destructive one in the same episode.
  The second time there was a similar dialogue was in Season 7, "End of Days" Faith experessing her feelings on the scythe, "It feels like it's mine......I guess that means it's yours" somberly, merosely. It doesn't just denote the idea of her jealousy on the surface, but also the meloncholic, 'twist of the knife' honesty of what she'd give up FOR her.

B: I can't take all of this.
F: Just take what you ready?

Buffy is slightly overwhelmed and puzzled by the show of gratitude not being able, at the time, to accept what's been offered. Faith however is unphased as it's unrequieted and gracefully sends Buffy back to reality with the touch of her hand. Buffy wakes up, knows Faith is in the next room, and places a kiss to Faith's forehead.


 No really, I am... I swear.....I just haven't been arsed lately. <3

  I haven't updated in quite a long time, maybe because I felt like I had nothing left to say about what I'm going to talk about, but it's the same old shit so I feel like I'm repeating myself..............I know people get busy in fact I'm probably the worst offender and I probably wouldn't care so damn much if it wasn't my bestfriend, but now that the snow has fallen I really can't afford to care. Most of the time I just want to go home and sleep, by-passing even the computer and it's both a good and a bad thing. I actually
feel healthier when I'm at home and refreshed and showered and whatever by 5 as opposed to beating my brains out on here like it seems I usually do. I guess I'm hurt because it appears that nothings changed in the way where I want to make plans far ahead of time and I know shit changes, but I want things planned for a week and meanwhile, because she has a kid now, it often feels more hopeless of us seeing eachother that often, which I don't mind the way used to....I mind more if we actually made concrete plans. I text at ther start of a weekend saying I'm off....maybe I should have been more clear about when I'd want something to go down.. hell MAYBE I should just call her. I feel like a dink... WTF is stopping me from picking up the phone and fucking calling her and saying :"Can we like.. PLAN neither of us have to feel like we're revolving ourselves around the others schedule?!?!?!?"

I'm just frustrated. I wish that it didn't have to be so complicated... kids make things that way, which is fine. She's happy. I am happy she's happy... what I don't get is why she thinks that she can text me at the end of the weekend and ask me if I have Monday off when it was obvious I had the weekend off. She doesn't read old texts.... sometimes I wonder if she reads any of the texts that I send. What would the point of getting a phone when I'd probably text her more often than anyone and she wouldn't have the time to answering because she's busy. I get the being off facebook too.... lotta drama, but again.... WHY can't she be punctual.. or anything resembling the person I know that cares, regardless of the kids thing... this goes beyond the kid thing.

Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Joss Whedon, or our god.

Rating: Nothing risky in the least in this one

Set: Post=Chosen


 Faith's been whittling away at her like a dull blade to a stake,but perhaps, irrationally, there was the belief that with time and patience the virtues laid on her could prove to be true. The only problem in all of this was that love itself wasn't rational and she simply couldn't ignore the way she felt Buffy wasn't ignoring her anymore. There were quiet moments when their gaze held far too long to be reffered to as anything like a platonic exchange, but fell short of them ever falling into eachother and closing the gap that's been an ocean all these years. Buffy occasionally trembled if Faith came too close. The blond would blush in the dark thinking Faith wouldn't notice while sharing a joke, even a none sexual one, just coaxed by the other girl's smile.

 The brunette longed for the days where things were simple and all that hatred that punctured sharply through everything was there, always bubbling from below, because that was at least simplistic, but this.... this was torture. She couldn't tell what was what and most of the time, given their past, she felt it was insipid to presume that Buffy felt anything, but indifference to her by now. Faith wanted freedom from the shakles of suspecion from either side. She wasn't keen on anyone picking up what she felt  and she certainly hated thinking that Buffy wanted something more if she hadn' she never has.

Faith tried not thinking about Buffy's experience with Satsu and logged it under the heading of "needy" and "experimentation"....though,let it be said, that everytime she had a punching bag in her midst the younger Asian slayer's face appeared.

They had enough grey space. Faith could be cross-country, but anywhere, doing pretty much anything, than here or with her....not right now--not the way things stood.

"B....I gotta go"

"Yeah sure, just because it's your turn to to patrol tonight"....

"No....I mean"....She sighed long and hard.

"I can't do this anymore......."

This being re-strolling dark alley-ways leading to nowhere alone together, being back to back on the field tingling from head to toe, sharing space....just plain living in the same fucking vacinity.

This is when Buffy went quiet. Not saying anything and she just leapt....leapt right into Faith's chest  and wrapped her arms around the other's slayer's body like a choke-hold while she sniffled silently.

That's when Faith realized something primal parts of her had ages ago....sometimes the only way to get what you want is to simply stop caring.

What's In A Number? Buffy/Faith Essay
Faith--Go Me
Faith Lehane  was the third of the last Chosen introduced into the Buffyverse in the episode "Faith, Hope, and Trick" which is a play on the 3 virtues of "Faith, Hope, and Love". The pattern of 3 continues as this episode is the third episode of the third season; so I have to ask---what's in a number? Ancient in it's connection to luck 3 is reveered in legend, myth, and folklore as symbolically the most positive, even though it's an odd number. Theologically it's representative of the Trinity= the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in classical, Celtic and Christian doctrine; even pre-Christian with the Trimurti in Hindu religion. Freedom and bravery is it's more common usage and to it's extreme it inflicts over-confidence, impatience, and restlessness everything this beloved character is made of, but use of 3 through-out the episode doesn't stop here with the title beat, sequence, slayer or season it's repeated through-out the episode.
The Scoobies, especially Xander, are riveted listening to Faith go on about past battles and after some Xander and Cordelia squabbling about thematics in Faith's stories Faith throws the spot-light back to Buffy and asks her what her toughest kill was. There is a beat when Buffy looks down and remembers the end of last year sticking a sword through Angel, she shakes it off, hurt, and instead of revealing the true nature of the fight with him starts in about "The Three", that were such an obscure reference for being all the way back in season 1; a group of the Master's vampires.

Buffy: Um, well, you know, (smiles weakly) they're all difficult, I guess.Faith waits for a story and takes a drink.

Buffy:  Uh... (remembers) Oh! Oh, do you guys remember the Three?
They all look back inquisitively.
Buffy:  That's right, you never met the Three. Well, there was three...
Oz:  (interrupts) Something occurring. Uh, now, you both kill vamps, and 
who could blame you, but, I'm, I'm wondering about your position on 


Before Buffy can even refer back to them....Oz jumps in. We all have theories out of happenstance (Ie. I remember an incredibly well-written essay on the cheeseman in "Restless" and we know he was random), things through-out the series that although weren't intentional, possibly crazy, in our own minds make perfect sense to justify loops and jumps of the organic story-telling. THIS said using 3 ; Buffy is already forshadowing her toughest kill, being prophetic about the night on the roof in "Graduation Day Part 1 ". Faith is not only human, but her fellow slayer and to spite the obvious mixed emotions they have about each other she only went after her out of desperation to save Angel.

Continuing through the episode Buffy and Faith go out on patrol together, she eats over and meets Joyce.  Buffy is taken aback by Faith's "devil may care" attitude and instead of being a "plucky fighter" as Giles suggests Buffy, feeling "single-white-femaled" insists that "that she's not playing with a full deck, she has almost no deck, she has a 3." Whether this is in relationship to her, Faith in relation to herself, or to the world in general the description of any three in a deck of cards is as follows from "Love and Destiny" by Sharon Jeffers:
"The stable expression of three is present when we are channeling our creative intelligence in some way, whether it's through the arts, business, a hobby, or community service. It doesn't matter how we channel it, it just matters that we do because when we are not channeling this energy in some way be it mental or physical it can turn into indecision, confusion, or insecurity, that leads the mind into utter chaos. Relationships governed by the number 3 can feel unstable and create questions and underlying feelings of uncertainty. It's important to recognize and honor heightened sensitivity that can occur in relationships governed by the number 3. These relationships need to be kept light, loving, and liberating for both parties. That opportunity is to lighten up, move the body, and engage in physical activities alone and together this is a wonderful playful energy that can encourage innocence and new exploration of self-expression."

Let's take this piece by piece....

Slaying is each of's their art, business, hobby, AND community service, but that was the exact problem they didn't hang out, outside of this. Faith wasn't always around and prone to company, this is true, but after a few breaches of mistrust such as hiding Angel in "Revelations" it took time for Faith. Faith had attempted to open up to her, for her part it was obvious she seldom tried that with anyone. The one time in "Amends" that Buffy did invite Faith over for non-slayage, she initially had to be coaxed by her mother (until you realize Buffy's completely sincere when she says she's glad Faith came) and Faith herself nearly said no to the invitation knowing that Buffy was asked by Joyce. This is where we we stumble into chaos....the miscommunication and misrepresentation. Before they regarded each other as practically mortal enemies by the end of season three they did have light and liberating moments; all the potential in the world to create a budding friendship. Faith was a balm, a searing replicated force of power soaring across Sunnydale before that tragic night she accidentally killed Finch the Deputy Mayor.

In this episode upon first meeting it's true Buffy is initially threatened, which is telling in itself. Buffy just got back to her life and grabbling with identity, senior year, and a life, so she thinks, without Angel. Being not 'the', but THEE Chosen one, having already outlived a second slayer during her time the Id takes over. She's number 1 and she'll be damned if anyone thrusts a stake in her territory be it socially or otherwise. Without any familiarity, from the moment Faith stole the stake in the alley, to the skirmish they had the night they patrolled, Faith calls her "B"...B translates to 2. The number two is all about duality, feminity v.s. masculinity, her initial. It's her human side struggling with the 'soup' of just being Buffy. Faith, the third Slayer, the 3, was supposed to serve in reconciling these two distinct different parts of Buffy's life by sharing the load. During the first fight they have and Buffy calls her "F", F is 6, Faith's initial...also two 3s. Six is symbolically supposed to bring harmony and balance to everything, but unfortunately, as you can see repeated in the episode, Faith is only ever acknowledged seriously as "having a 3"---not being a person. Even when Buffy visits Faith's hotel room she walks into guessed it.....3.

The cup over-runs in "Bad Girls" with their staunch difference in philosophy.

Buffy:  Faith!

Faith:  What are you doing, hiding in there?

Buffy:  Looking for the amulet. Wasn't counting on the Special Guest 
Stars. Six against one. (gestures at the coffin) Hence the hiding.

Faith:  Well, it's six against two now, so come on.

Faith as a person, not as a slayer, is calling her out in regards to their different takes on Slayerdom. For all her foibles Faith was far more atune to the world at large and realized there's a point where ethics don't come into play and guilt can't contain you from doing what you're destined to do;what needs to be done.  Faith also realized that which took Buffy years to.....the slayer and the person can only be seperated so far, they're one in the same and co-existence was essential. Surely Buffy as a slayer can understand aspects of killing, but these philosophies appeal to Faith even as a civilian and that IS scary. Buffy, using the coffin as a closet, is hiding from her darkness, herself, and when really read into latent attraction to Faith as a person not just as a slayer  both in the platonic sense and romantisized.

Buffy:(smiles) Sorry. Okay, so we're down there, in the sewers, and 
Faith (Xander's eye twitches) got three of them on her at once...

Xander:  Hey! Whoa! Can we resume Buffy's 'Ode to Faith' later, like 
when I'm not actively multiple-choicing?

It's important to note how often these are even used during her downfall in "Bad Girls" .....the beat of 3 is everywhere, in their dialogue to themselves and even responses to/from others: "Wait stop think"...."No. No. No"....."Rinse, Lather. Repeat." "Preperation. Preperation. Preperation" ..."Want. Take. Have"...the title itself is like a book-end closing the chapter on her being a hero, at least for the time. Willow is even wearing a 3 when Faith draws the heart on the window for Buffy, calling her out, because this episode Will is actually feeling like the odd man out. For one small moment, Faith maybe herself instead of just the other slayer....that was until everything went wrong.

More from "Bad Girls" : "The count of 3 isn't a plan, it's Sesame Street".................."6 against 2 not unlike 3 against 1" how much more of a code for their falling out can there be, right at the top of that episode via Buffy. and how much more telling can Faith's devotion be, despite everything, to be wearing a "62" across her chest in "Five By Five"? (This thanks to Jess Cormier for noticing a decade plus ago) Faith also awakes from coma in "This Years Girl" then turns herself into jail and isn't back in Sunnydale til "Dirty Girls" another combination of 3 with Girl(s) in the title that she appears. (Pre-cursed by Buffy in "Prophecy Girl" and posted in Angel's, where Buffy was suspected to be "Girl In Question" but that's an essay for another time ;)

The more  esoteric interpretations of 3 besides freedom are that of the triangle. The triangle is connected elementally, each sign can be made with it adding or subtracting a line through the base or turning it upward or down. However the most notable symbol in modern history of it's use is LGBTQ pride, readopted and liberated from the shackles of it's origin reaching back to Nazi Germany in identifying homosexuals. With all of Faith's "zest" it's understatement to say she's an emotionally repressed young woman. We hear brazen description of her saving church-goers naked, wrestling alligators, and carnal exploits, but behind all these aggressive displays and unshakable hyper-sexuality is a little bi-girl lost in subtextual erasure; clearly torn up inside and at odds with the world at large.

Let's end at the beginning, as I'm a fan of symmetry, with the title itself, "Faith, Hope, and Trick"......Each person mentioned appears in a different order then of what they're listed, .....  First we have Scott Hope, unassuming and shy love interest, nodding to Buffy on his walk into school. Next Trick, the new bad in town who ends up being replaced by Faith as the Mayor's right hand, is in the teaser feeding on a drive-thru employee.Finally we have Faith popping up outside the Bronze after having faked being a damsel in distress. Faith appears last in this sequence where the word "love" would reside. What's interesting about that virtue you ask, line 13:13 of Corinthians, no less:

"There are in the end three things that last, faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these, is love."

What with the revamp....
 I hadn't been here all summer because I was injured and I knew one post would lead to another five hundred....of pathetic feel-sorry-for-yourself drivvle..... My mood through-out the process of getting better was at times so desolate I didn't have a word for how removed from myself I was....the pain was excruciating and yet in the midst of it I found everything I was looking for and then some the way that type of desperation does when you're down and beside yourself.....reminded me of way back when before I had any control of my faculties. There's something both scary and exhilarating about letting go. And now I'm back at work close to a month, my mood seems to be on the up-swing, and I'm anxiously anticipating my second/ tied for first favorite as there's only so many... let's face it....SEASONS of the year and that's fall. Fall is not a season it's a state of mind....the heightened wait for everything to freeze is almost as delicious as waiting for it to warm. I'll be snug inside myself in no-time trapped in another heady Minnesota blizzard of a winter and everything until then there's so much ease, seemingly so. I like Halloween. I like the colors. The way the wind whips by and makes me feel invincible. Which reminds me....

I've been working out on a daily basis before work,sipping down protein shakes....making a conscious effort to "drink more water"....this is what it's like to be on the brink of 30 and no one is immune.

More vid Rec--We Must Be Killers

I woke up, I was stuck in a dream
You were there, you were tearing up everything
And we all know how to fake it baby
And we all know what we've done
We must be killers
Children of the wild ones
Where we got left to run?
Killer [8x]

Set my body free
The silver tigers in the moon light running
And the wind in the trees
Singing do you believe?

And we all know how to fake it baby
And all we know is gone
We must be killers
Children of the wild ones
Where we got left to run?
Killer [8x]

And we all know how to fake it baby
And we all know what we have done
We must be killers
Children of the wild ones
Where we got left to run?
Killer [8x]

Children of the wild ones [3x]


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